Yesterday I met my dearest old-school friend online. We chatted for maybe 5-10 minute and it felt so good. Later in the day my old memories flashed in front of my eyes, how we ranted about everything of life, we spent hours of hours talking, planning, gossiping about our future, other’s future and it was so blissful. I remember how I needed to talk to my best girl friends in the whole world if something went wrong in college or at home. All I want was to run to them, I talk, talk and talk, later it felt was so relaxing. These days I really want to rant, a big rant of life. To whom ? I have no girl friends around me so I think of my blog. So here I am ranting about MY life these days –
My life, I would say very hectic, monotonous, pretty much in the house all the time. I happened to be a “stay-positive” type of girl but I am loosing my mantra or can I say almost lost my mantra of life in the present chaos. I am NOT saying that I am unhappy or depressed with my life, it’s just too much going for me now. I am not able to find right balance, juggling between motherhood, being wife and myself. I get frustrated, irritated and angry quite easily and when it happen then comes the storm of all types of negative thoughts and believe me it is very hard to stay put when you see only negativity around you. Are you wondering why I am feeling so down ? You see I am mother of 13 months old daughter. She needs me all the time, I am not supposed to disappear from her line of sight. I can’t go loo, I can’t cook meal for myself, I can’t finish my morning coffee, I can’t finish my meals, I can’t read books, I can’t spend more than 5 minutes on laptop, most of them I can’t do anything when I want to and it is quite frustrating for me because I happened to be an active girl. I could not do things merrily and happily if I am not happy with myself. I need some time for myself to charge my batteries. Bless my lovely husband who understands me more than myself and I feel guilty all the time how I sometime behaves very hard on him. Anything is not feeling right and all the blame is on him, it just so mean of me. I am really very overwhelm these days.
In this mental chaos, I locked myself and Reva out past week. It happened when I was running downstairs to open the main gate of the building for Vishal who forgot his keys at home that day. Thanks to our helpful neighbours who helped us in the situation. On monday, Reva’s appointment was scheduled to check her vaccination and I forgot to bring her immunization card, bummer!!
On Monday I managed to watch “The Time Traveler’s Wife”, oh my! what a fantastic movie. I was crying and crying and crying. Reva was so surprised to see me like that. She must be thinking her mommy went crazy or something. I loved that movie. Also I am trying to read Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol, and so far its awesome. I am almost done with Reva’s cardigan which I am knitting, just one sleeve to go. I tried carrot muffin and honey-oat muffins which turned out okay. Vishal gifted me Wii set on my birthday. So far its awesome but sadly for past couple of days I am feeling dizzy in head, I think too much simulation from Wii or I need glasses. Waiting for doctor’s appointment.
Reva darling has started walking, it’s like Frankenstein meets MJ. She started walking couple of weeks ago and she has moved from beginner’s to intermediate one. It’s so fun to watch her. We are practicing her to speak daddy, she says when she is in mood. She picks small word very easily but only for one time like “aaja”, “ok”. She has moved from her cot to our bed. Whenever we try to put her in the cot she knows and started crying. But we are planning to make plans to move her back in her cot, it’s no fun sleeping one side all the night. I am trying to wean off her from pacifier, last night was the first night. She was very uncomfortable sleeping without pacifier. She even tried to suck her toe to sooth her, was very hard for us to keep her calm. Later she dozed off listening to rhymes I sang to her. She is getting on track with her diet, hope all goes well.
I think that’s enough for the day, hope weekend brings some getaway.