Dilema of a Mother

I am in utter confusion these days. Should I choose my career and keep my daughter in daycare. I am not able to decide what to do. It has been 3 years quitting my job and I am getting desperate to join one. But idea of leaving my baby in daycare also scares me. I am thinking of every aspect, every pros and cons but all becomes even in the end for me.

In past year I took care of Reva upon me. I have totally forget myself over her. Being our first child and that too was handed over us a month later made us quite protective parents and me the most obsessive mother.  But things has changed in past couple of months when she became crawler and solid eater. Being away with daddy and constantly surrounded by strangers I think for her I was the only common link. Now when she is moving to toddler-hood and my job is now only to feed her, change her, clean her and to watch her where she is heading next left me frustrated.

Days with Reva are quite hectic. She always hang around on me, she only play when I am sitting next to her doing nothing, she would not let me cook and will roam around my foot or stand on my support and cry for me, she is on to me whole day. When Vishal comes from office she spends some time with him but later she search for me. I wait for her naps to do some household chores if possible, to eat Maggie and later some browsing, blogging, knitting or reading.

She is a very smart girl and can sense the feeling very well. When I am happy she knows it  and giggles around like a squirrel. When I am frustrated she would know and wants me to hold her.  Being around with her is a bliss, watching her tricks to pass the table to get the laptop cable or making faces to see her reflection in the mirror is really cute. She enjoy walks and to travel. Whenever we are in public places nobody can pass her by without smiling to her. If someone is not smiling or noticing her she will make him/her. The other day we were in tube train and one boy was on the phone in front of her. He was watching her but didn’t smile. She started babbling to him like “can’t you see I am here” and later her voice become heavier like she was threatening him. Everybody around was smiling and enjoying the scene. The boy got embarrassed and moved away. How can I leave my little angel to some strangers.

Vishal is a big support to me, he wants me to do something. Well moving from USA to UK was because of me. My visa status has restriction in USA but here in London I can do anything I want to but I am not able to take decisions. He already warning me that hanging of Reva on me is too much and is not a good sign. I am also afraid that spending all the time with my baby and getting frustrated almost all the time would lead me to more anger and frustration. I will lose the charm of raising a beautiful daughter.  I want her to mingle with other babies and to play with them.  I also wants to go out and make friends in the city. I have no one around to chit-chat. Sometimes I feel I am not doing justice to my career and to my education. After all the hard work I have done in the past to build my career now its going in drain. It’s a matter of couple of years and when Reva will off to school then how a I going to spend my time. I don’t want to be like my mother or mother-in-law who spent their entire life raising their children and family and now when we are away then its hard for them kill the time.  I don’t want to be dependent on my children for happiness.

Will I be a selfish mother if I opt my career and keep Reva in day care ?


8 thoughts on “Dilema of a Mother

  1. Rajni

    I can very well understand this..the same thing is what I am afraid of 😦
    but I dont think you will be selfish if you opt for working…because you will have nthng to do except household chores once Reva starts going to school..and fortunately you are at a place where facilities are good..can u imagine such things here in India to trust day care centres for your little child..so think over and dont let the frustration overcome you sweetie…

    1. Richa Post author

      Rajni, thanks a ton dear for writing. Its just we never seen kids in our family going to day care. Don’t you think everyone around us always comments on those Moms who sends their kids to day care as – “kaisi maa hai, naukari ke liye apne bachcho ko chod deti hai” I think I am afraid of being judge by stereotype society. But then who cares – Its me and my family. I am running my family not those funny people.

      Thanks again for dropping by.

  2. Suhas Dighe

    Hi Richa,

    No you won’t be selfish if you put your child in day care. Your career is important too just like being a good mother. Get your parents/in-laws there. There are no better people to look after your child. Do that if feasible.

    But the day care aren’t too bad either. Certainly not in the UK. But they are costly. You have to strike a balance between your career and you taking a total charge of baby’s care. You can achieve both in good measure.

    All the best.

    1. Richa Post author

      Hi Suhas,
      Thanks for reassuring me. I am trying to thing straight and you are right that my career is also important.

      Take care.

  3. anjugandhi

    this is a common situation where most of the working women find themselves
    i have seen professionals like CAs, Enigneers even MBAs sacrificing all their career aspirations at the alter of mother hood
    personally i feel there is nothing wrong in making adjustments and looking for alternative arrangements for the child

  4. Nishita

    It is every mother’s dilemma. You could consider looking for part-time / flexitime/work from home kind of jobs and see how you and your daughter feel.

    In some ways, it will be good for your daughter to be more exposed to other children in the daycare too.

    All the best!


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