The other day, me and my Mom was reading one of the article in the newspaper about senior people living in old age home. The article said that how senior people are left all alone in the old age center by their kids and families. It was collection of stories told by 3-4 citizens. All were unhappy by the way their kids has treated them. After what they had gone through their lives to raise them and when it was time for them to sit back and relax, play with their grandchildren they are in old age homes all alone. The article was titled as ” क्या अनुपयोगी हो गए हैं माता-पिता ?”. The first reaction of my Mom was why did not the reporter interviewed their children, How can I believe this one side of story ?
This is the reality. We always seen the one side of story. Everyone presents and show only one side, like in “Baghbaan”. The movie was too much for me and I know people from my generation never approved that movie. We young generation do inclined to western culture but we too have morals and respect towards our parents, we know our duties and values. But why always the one side of story ?
I tell you one real story. A girl was married in a family. Marriage was arranged. Girl was well educated and was working in one of the MNC with her husband. Family was middle cast and bit orthodox. First few days passed happily. All was colorful to the girl. He got one loving husband and in-laws like her parents (that’s whats she thought initially). Later things were changed, she was interrupted in almost everything. To her surprised she was pointed out when to wake up, when to take bath, what to wear, what to cook, how to cook, how to come in front of neighbors. She was told that its shameful to talk to her husband in front of in-laws, her opinion and views were useless. Newly wed couples were in complete vigilance. In-laws expect them to turn off their room lights to so and so time. They have to take permission for everything, whether it was an appointment with a dentist or a walk around the block. MIL dominated the girl in every way. Later things get more weird when MIL started asking for grandchild (after 2 months of marriage in this era!! ). Girl was not at all ready for the family so soon. She tried to talk to her MIL but she was too stubborn to understand. When girl was off to office MIL was used to check her room for any pills if she is using. FIL doesn’t like woman to have their own views, he just completely ignored them. He could not understand why beta and bahu go out for dinner on weekend when one can cook same dinner at home. Boy was sandwiched between his mother and wife. He was utterly confused how and when to take stand for his wife when his mother thinks that he loves more to his wife than mother. He was pissed that he met only his wife in the night and could not even talk to her properly in front of his parents. He wanted to help his wife in household chores but could not because it was against the tradition as told by his Mom. One day things got too far and MIL said unpleasant things about girl’s parents. Girl was too polite to take a stand of her parents in front of her in-laws but she decided and told to her husband that she can’t live like this and husband agreed to her, later they flew from that nest.
Do you think by this behavior seniors will get the respect ? Why we have a culture where parents hold there children from their birth till the birth of their grandchildren? Why are our society is so messy in relations, why can’t be there some space ?. I always admire the way people in western countries live. Every one has their own personal space, teenager, couples and seniors. Our societies has been divided into three parts, one who has accept to live free, one who has denied to live free and believe to follow their so-called traditions of family and third is swinging between the other two. They pretend to be open and broad-minded but they are confused how and where to be like that. Why parents think that they own their child’s life ? Like in movie Baghbaan, Amitabh without even discussing his decision with his sons and daughter in-laws decides to spend his life after retirement with them and sold his property. Why ?? Because he raised them and faced hard times so now its pay-back time for his sons to keep them.
I always think, is Respect is given or taken ?Anything went wrong in family blames comes to bahu and later to son. “arey unki bahu aisi hi hai, waisi hai” or “wo ladka ko itna padhaya likhaya, aur aaj dekho apne maa-baap ko akela chod gaya”. I have always one question to ask from all the MILs out there – “What do you think of daughter-in-laws, a maid or wife to your son?” I hate when they say, “ab bahu ayegi tab hamari seva karegi”. “Agar seva hi karani hai to maid rakh lo, padhi likhi ladki ki kyu zindagi barbaad karte ho”. I tell you today’s girls are free – physically and mentally but it doesn’t mean that they have lost their moral and values. They know to respect and their duties but they wouldn’t compromise their identity. They will not take orthodox nonsense. Why MIL thinks dominating on daughter-in-law will make her on upper edge ? You bring a girl from other family and then you treat her like she has no value, no identity in the family, her only place is in kitchen and doing household chores. All you care is taking respect from all possible ways. You are energetic and can do loads of work in front of bahu but once she is away you suddenly realize that you are old. Being son is not always has a positive side, although he is saved from all the personal remarks and ‘disciplined’ but he suddenly become a man from a boy overnight. He suddenly got all the responsibilities of the world and often compared with other ‘sons’ of neighbors, ‘are unke bete ko dekho, itni si umar mai usne ghar banwa liya, usne dekho kitni mehngi car li hai, dekho wo apne maa-baap ki kitni seva karta hai”.
I completely denied these obligations on our generations that we are selfish and treat our parents poorly. Relations works mutually. Everyone has their identity. Everyone needs respect whether they are young or seniors. Some exceptions are always there but you just can’t throw mud on son and daughter-in-law all the time and assume that they are the only roots of all the problems.
“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each others life – Richard Bach”