Monthly Archives: July 2010

You Reap what you Sow

The other day, me and my Mom was reading one of the article in the newspaper about senior people living in old age home. The article said that how senior people are left all alone in the old age center by their kids and families. It was collection of  stories told by 3-4 citizens. All were unhappy by the way their kids has treated them. After what they had gone through their lives to raise them and when it was time for them to sit back and relax, play with their grandchildren they are in old age homes all alone. The article was titled as ” क्या अनुपयोगी हो गए हैं माता-पिता ?”. The first reaction of my Mom was why did not the reporter interviewed their children, How can I believe this one side of story ?

This is the reality. We always seen the one side of story. Everyone presents and show only one side, like in “Baghbaan”. The movie was too much for me and I know people from my generation never approved that movie.  We young generation do inclined to western culture but we too have morals and respect towards our parents, we know our duties and values. But why always the one side of story ?

I tell you one real story. A girl was married in a family. Marriage was arranged. Girl was well educated and was working in one of the MNC with her husband. Family was middle cast and bit orthodox. First few days passed happily. All was colorful to the girl. He got one loving husband and in-laws like her parents (that’s whats she thought initially). Later things were changed, she was interrupted in almost everything. To her surprised she was pointed out when to wake up, when to take bath, what to wear, what to cook, how to cook, how to come in front of neighbors. She was told that its shameful to talk to her husband in front of in-laws, her opinion and views were useless. Newly wed couples were in complete vigilance. In-laws expect them to turn off their room lights to so and so time. They have to take permission for everything, whether it was an appointment with a dentist or a walk around the block. MIL dominated the girl in every way. Later things get more weird when MIL started asking for grandchild (after 2 months of marriage in this era!! ). Girl was not at all ready for the family so soon. She tried to talk to her MIL but she was too stubborn to understand. When girl was off to office MIL was used to check her room for any pills if she is using. FIL doesn’t like woman to have their own views, he just completely ignored them. He could not understand why beta and bahu go out for dinner on weekend when one can cook same dinner at home. Boy was sandwiched between his mother and wife. He was utterly confused how and when to take stand for his wife when his mother thinks that he loves more to his wife than mother. He was pissed that he met only his wife in the night and could not even talk to her properly in front of his parents. He wanted to help his wife in household chores but could not because it was against the tradition as told by his Mom. One day things got too far and MIL said unpleasant things about girl’s parents. Girl was too polite to take a stand of her parents in front of her in-laws but she decided and told to her husband that she can’t live like this and husband agreed to her, later they flew from that nest.

Do you think by this behavior seniors will get the respect ? Why we have a culture where parents hold there children from their birth till the birth of their grandchildren? Why are our society is so messy in relations, why can’t be there some space ?. I always admire the way people in western countries live. Every one has their own personal space, teenager, couples and seniors. Our societies has been divided into three parts, one who has accept to live free, one who has denied to live free and believe to follow their so-called traditions of family and third is swinging between the other two.  They pretend to be open and broad-minded but they are confused how and where to be like that. Why parents think that they own their child’s life ? Like in movie Baghbaan, Amitabh without even discussing his decision with his sons and daughter in-laws decides to spend his life after retirement with them and sold his property. Why ?? Because he raised them and faced hard times so now its pay-back time for his sons to keep them.

I always think, is Respect is given or taken ?Anything went wrong in family blames comes to bahu and later to son. “arey unki bahu aisi hi hai, waisi hai” or “wo ladka ko itna padhaya likhaya, aur aaj dekho apne maa-baap ko akela chod gaya”. I have always one question to ask from all the MILs out there – “What do you think of daughter-in-laws, a maid or wife to your son?” I hate when they say, “ab bahu ayegi tab hamari seva karegi”. “Agar seva hi karani hai to maid rakh lo, padhi likhi ladki ki kyu zindagi barbaad karte ho”.  I tell you today’s girls are free – physically and mentally but it doesn’t mean that they have lost their moral and values. They know to respect and their duties but they wouldn’t compromise their identity. They will not take orthodox nonsense.  Why MIL thinks dominating on daughter-in-law will make her on upper edge ? You bring a girl from other family and then you treat her like she has no value, no identity in the family, her only place is in kitchen and doing household chores. All you care is taking respect from all possible ways. You are energetic and can do loads of work in front of bahu but once she is away you suddenly realize that you are old. Being son is not always has a positive side, although he is saved from all the personal remarks and ‘disciplined’ but he suddenly become a man from a boy overnight. He suddenly got all the responsibilities of the world and often compared with other ‘sons’ of neighbors, ‘are unke bete ko dekho, itni si umar mai usne ghar banwa liya, usne dekho kitni mehngi car li hai,  dekho wo apne maa-baap ki kitni seva karta hai”.

I completely denied these obligations on our generations that we are selfish and treat our parents poorly. Relations works mutually. Everyone has their identity. Everyone needs respect whether they are young or seniors.  Some exceptions are always there but you just can’t throw mud on son and daughter-in-law all the time and assume that they are the only roots of all the problems.

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each others life – Richard Bach”

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Things I hate about Indian Parenting

My daughter was born in USA. She was born two months premature because of my health and kept in Neonatal ICU (NICU) for 30 days. I was floored by the way American treat babies and kids.  Nurses were so educated, warm, caring and soft-spoken. I was amazed to see their care and consideration towards babies. Frankly speaking I haven’t seen such kind of treatment to wards babies and kids at home in India. Then and there I decided I would raise my daughter the way she was treated in NICU for 30 days.

These days I am in India. Where Reva is struggling from heat and teething and I am struggling with people’s comments. Here are things which really catches my nerves:

Please don’t touch my baby or any baby with dirty hands.  Learn some basic hygiene for babies.

I don’t believe in any kind of jinx. Reva was not wearing any locket with black thread in her neck, or bracelets of black pearls in her hands, I just hate those kind of things on little babies. People came by and point out “are tumne is ko kuch nahi pehnaya, nazar lag jayegi. waise hi american hai?”.  WTF!! You don’t believe in basic hygiene but you do believe  in such things, shame on you.

Please stop asking me how I feed her, “aap upar ka dudh pilate hain ya apna ?“. And it was heights of rudeness when a man asked me on flight who was sitting besides me. Its my daughter and I will feed her whatever I want. None of your business.

Don’t raise your eyebrows when I say Formula Milk. You don’t have any idea what I had gone through and how much I tried. Stop judging me!

Cow’s Milk is not the only nutritional source for baby in the world. I am following my doctor’s instructions over yours.  Just so you know ” There are several reasons to delay the introduction of cow’s milk until your baby reaches his first birthday. Most important, a baby’s digestive system can’t digest cow’s milk proteins. Cow’s milk also has too much sodium, potassium, and chloride, which can tax your baby’s kidneys. Even if his system could handle it, cow’s milk doesn’t have all the vitamins and minerals (especially vitamin E, zinc, and iron) that he needs for growth and development in his first year. Giving a baby cow’s milk could even cause iron deficiency and internal bleeding. And it can increase his risk of an allergic reaction.

Kajal.  I don’t like to put kohl in baby’s eyes and I don’t believe any reasons why they are being put in baby’s eyes. Believe me, my granny had put kajal in my eyes for almost 3 years and still my eyes are not big and even has fewer lashes. So putting kajal in baby’s eyes makes them bigger, beautiful and makes vision strong is wrong. They are genetically build and not with the help of kajal. And if it so good then why are eye operations, put kajal.

Same with oil in ear and nose. If some one can guaranteed me that oil is pure and not adulterated with any harmful chemicals I don’t mind using it.

I am disappointed our ways to feed solids to baby. Being an agricultural country we hardly feed any of the grains/vegetables/fruits properly to our baby. My doctor specifically told me that by the time she is 1-year-old she should eat  2 yellow vegetables, 2 green vegetables and 2 fruits. People ask me what you give to her I say puree of – Squash, Carrots, Beans, Peas, Banana, Apple…. They are surprised.  One woman told me “Are ye sab to itna fayda nahi karta,  gay ka dudh pilao ise“. And they say today kids don’t eat vegetables and fruits.

I hate when people here don’t respect newly parents. They think they are the dumbest people on face of the earth. Please they are “Parents”, they are smart enough to know what is best for their child.

All I know is Motherhood/Parenthood doesn’t not mean to suffer. You don’t have to face hard times to raise a child. Its a beautiful journey and let it enjoy. Just use you instinct and nothing else.

Hooked with Hook and Needles – End

My breakthrough crochet project was Granny Crochet Afghan [Afghan is a blanket knitted or crocheted in strips or squares; sometimes used as a shawl].  I loved the way grannies are made and how lovely they looked once completed. Granny square can be of one color or multicolored. I started with single color granny square and made granny square afghan.

My first Granny square Blanket

As you can see granny square is made of one color but I had used three colors for the blanket.

Once I successfully completed my first project then I made multicolored granny square blanket.

Colorful Granny Squares

Granny Squares are then joined

outcome is Granny Square Afghan

I made a couple of blankets there after for my daughter and couple of caps, and booties for her. One of the cap is:

Reva's Hat with flower

Then I tried bags. One of my favorite bag is Tapestry Crochet bag [Tapestry Crochet  is similar to regular crochet, except that one or more yarns are usually carried while another is crocheted. The finished pieces look woven instead of crocheted ]

Tapestry Crochet bag

When you worked with so many yarns obviously there would be leftovers. A doily made from leftover yarns:

Moroccan style Doily

These are my some projects. This summer I made Granny Squares cushions and sturdy Crochet bag but unfortunately my camera is not with me 😦

So as soon as I get my camera will update my blog with those done projects.

Hope you like them.

Thanks for stopping by.

Wishing my dear Husband a Very Happy Birthday !!

Dear husband,

Wishing you a very Happy Birthday !!

This is your first birthday as a father but unfortunately we are not together. Hey, I am not going to say any sad thing to make you more nostalgic.  You are there because for us, to make things better for the family. It’s just matter of few weeks and we will be together once again.

Being alone I stumble upon many beautiful memories of ours. How we met,  our first date, our first car in India and USA [we got them both on same day only year apart], our move to USA, how we managed to go for driving written test, our trips – the most thrilling was LA trip [do you remember that house of terror walk] and not to forget the bestest trip ever – Mr. S trip [our roller coaster ride, the famous M spot and the long drive with most slowest songs we ever listened like “sach mere yaar hai” 😛] , searching craigslist for almost everything for home, the day we came to know that we were pregnant and those 10 days we spent in hospitals, u holding my hand in OT, how you helped and support me through everything, I swear to God that you never gave me a single chance to miss the family, the hardest  30 days ever when our princess was in NICU, I was awestruck when I first see her in your arms, how you share and learn everything – feeding, bathing, changing diaper, maalish even 🙂 [you are the first man I ever saw who share and support her wife in raising baby] and finally some fights. [smile]

Because of you I have a such a beautiful life and I want to live more with you.

Because of you I am a proud mother.

You are so unique and beautiful from the heart.

You are my best friend, encourager, supporter, to whom I can share anything and anytime.

You are my soul mate.

You are all I have.

Happy Birthday dear husband.

I Love You.

PS: You are birthday cake is on me 🙂